I know. I’ve been quiet lately. I went through a bit of heartbreak – which I’ll tell you about..but, I wanted to let everyone know that today – I’m a shade above excellent.
After a few clients commented that they were happy to hear that I’m doing so well, I thought – oh my – I really haven’t let people know what went down and how I am. So now that you know how I am, here’s what happened.
My fiance, Mark, and I decided to not be together anymore. We were living together – he, myself, and his 9-year-old little boy. We had lived together for a few years, creating an instant family for me. So when Mark and I decided to not be together anymore – because truly we just couldn’t figure out how to find mutual happiness even though we loved each other insane amounts. Or perfect amounts. However you want to phrase that up. Anyway, when we decided to not be together anymore, I moved out of the place we had rented together and got my own little apartment – so I lost the place I was living, half the stuff in the place, my fiance, the idea of what my future looked like, and my child. All at once. From family to no family.
And it was sad and hard. And I grieved and cried and then it suddenly dawned on me – there is no part of me that thinks Mark and I are truly done. My truth was there was still something there. So I just held that space – with certainty – and Mark reached out. We took three weeks with no communication and then met up again shortly before Christmas. And all the love and chemistry was right there – right where we’d left it.
So we’re taking it slow and dating. No rushing back into anything, no goals to get re-engaged or live together again. We’re just allowing it to unfold organically and the only thing we’re chasing is a deep, loving connection to one another, mixed in with some fun too. To be fair, it’s actually a bit harder to not be chasing any goals…because there’s nothing to strive for EXCEPT love – for which there’s really no measuring stick if you take out the engagement and the wedding and the years together and all the things we use in this society to measure it by.
Here’s where it gets really beautiful – instead of being saddened about living alone or missing all the time we used to spend together, I’m super grateful for the extra time to concentrate on my own personal growth and on my work. I’m cooking up some new workshops and class offerings, making some new friendships, deepening some old ones, and actually reading books again!
So, it’s me and this girl (whom you can follow on Instagram!) and we’re loving life. Yup, I’m a shade above excellent. Although in November, I was all sorts of shades of grief. But, that’s the beauty of emotions, isn’t it? If we can just ride the wave of what we’re feeling and identify our truth – when we hold steady in that truth – the emotions MOVE out. They move…they are meant to be in motion.
Much like our lives.
And sometimes that movement is scary and sometimes it’s excellent. And sometimes – sometimes, if you allow it to be, it’s a shade above excellent.