Have you ever had an argument with someone? An argument where your full warrior-self came out and felt desperate to have this person see your point and hear where you’re coming from, because you knew if they did, then you’d feel so much better and could just relax?  What would happen if we embraced our warrior selves, but chose to be warriors of love instead of warriors of being right?

love always wins

In the midst of an argument with an ex-boyfriend, I could feel that both of us were hell-bent on being right. We were pushing energy, disguised as words and ideas, harsh and quick between us. We were both out to win which meant neither of us would. Ultimately, our relationship would suffer, and we risked wounding each other – especially if we continued hurling such hurtful energy between us. In the midst of him telling me I reminded him of his mom (who, by the way, happened to be a diagnosed schizophrenic), I was able to feel that my heart space had grown dark and closed in a vain attempt to protect myself, so I consciously opened it back up. It was hard. It IS hard to open up your heart when someone is hurling hurtful accusations and embittered energy your way.   But consciously choosing to open your heart in the middle of the battle, is the very key to stopping the war. Well, one of the main keys at least.

What does the energy of a fight look like? 

As I mentioned in last week’s post (that you can find here), an argument, energetically, usually looks like a ping-pong match between the parties. This back and forth energy exchange usually takes place at the solar plexus or 3rd chakra, the space below your rib cage and above your belly button – a place in the body designed to hold self-esteem, confidence and power. If we feel like we’re losing power, we clamp down harder in an effort to retain it. Then, fear of disempowerment can lock up our solar plexus and disconnect our energy (and therefore ourselves) from our heart.

How can I stop the ping-pong match?

By intentionally opening the heart and choosing to resonate within it, you can halt the back and forth. Warning: This is super VULNERABLE, not easy, and, it requires cognitive effort, because our natural instinct asks us to shut the heart down. But, ultimately allowing another person, object or situation to “knock you out of your heart” or cause you to shut it down and protect it, is disempowering. Your power is in your HEART, and it is magnified when you recognize only you are in charge of your heart. No one can make you open it or close it – only YOU are in control of that.

How can I intentionally open my heart?

A really easy way to do this is to close your eyes and imagine your heart as a door or a window – any size, any shape, any way you want it. Then, simply imagine that door or window flying open. Allow it to stay open! That’s it – easy peasy! If it doesn’t work the first time, keep trying. If it still doesn’t work, allow your mind to conjure up an image of something that you love absolutely, like a pet, a child, or your favorite place.   Feel your heart expand as you think of something you purely and easily love.

What if the other person keeps fighting me and doesn’t respond to my open heart?

Ok – let’s reinterpret this question as what if my partner continues to hurl awful things my way and doesn’t soften up and embrace my vulnerable heart? We can’t only choose to have our heart open when we think other people will be receptive. We’re warriors of love, remember? When you choose to open your heart, you naturally want the person you’re directing your open heart toward to open his or hers so that you can connect and feel received and held. But remember that we’re learning no one outside of us should control our hearts. Well, the flip side is that we can’t control anyone else’s heart – only our own.

So what do we do if the person doesn’t respond by softening? Continue intentionally opening your heart, but instead of sending that openhearted energy directly to the person you’re at war with, you simply allow it shine out like a little star, directed at the world as a whole. Let’s face it, it hurts to send out love only to have it rejected. Ouch. Just keep on remembering that no one else’s words, thoughts, accusations, or actions get to shut your heart down and take away your ability to feel love, loved, or loving.   Baring your heart is your power.   Being a warrior – especially of love – is powerful.

Be courageous enough to open your heart.

Spend this week being a warrior. Intentionally open your heart when it would be easier to shut it down and close off. And next week, I’ll go into detail about what to do when opening your heart isn’t enough, and I’ll give you another conscious tactic to help you if you’re trapped in an ugly ping-pong match.  (hint – it involves conscious disengagement!)