Creating Conscious Romantic Relationships By Being Responsible

Written by Dana Childs

Dana has been described as “non-definable” due to her immense gifts. Her work has been sought out and praised by actress and Goop founder, Gwyneth Paltrow, as well as a host of famed actresses, Grammy award winners, dancers, and talk show hosts. LEARN MORE
Love. Romance. Partnership.

We all want the magical, fairytale stuff. The excitement, the passion, the happy-ever-after. And damn Hollywood for making us think that’s how deep, true, intimate love works. If you’ve had any sort of romantic relationship experience, you know that’s not quite how it goes.

You see, love is never about your partner making you happy or filling you up or making it easier to live your life. Your romantic relationship – and every experience and moment in it – is always about you.

Conscious love is NOT about analyzing how your partner could be or do better. Conscious love is about recognizing how YOU could be or do better, choosing to show up in your relationship as your authentic self, and identifying and meeting your own needs. Conscious love is about being self-responsible.

For instance, is your partner getting on your nerves? Don’t wait on him or her to change or expect them to, instead, inspect what old triggers and buttons of yours are being pushed? Is your partner sounding like an unhappy nag? What’s your role in that; how are you showing up that’s creating that dynamic with your partner. Because no one is a nag because that’s who they want to be!

What does this beautiful, perfectly imperfect soul before me show me about myself, my old wounds, my coping mechanisms, my triggers? And how do I EVOLVE in the face of that awareness?

You see, your romantic relationships are all about your own self-awareness. There’s no magic spell that creates a happy-ever-after. That’s your responsibility!

The moment you desire or wait for your partner to change, you’re off course. The moment you think the work to be done or the change to be made lies in the hands of the other, you’re missing your own evolution.

What do I mean? Let’s suppose that you fear your partner blowing up at you or getting angry if you ask for something you need, be time to go workout, a date night, or help with choosing the new kitchen tile. If you’re afraid of the blowup, you most likely avoid the asking. Before you know it, you’re swallowing your needs and resenting your partner. Yikes. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Well, if my partner weren’t so volatile, unpredictable or angry, then I would be happy or things would be easier.” And you know what? You couldn’t be farther from the truth. You’ll be happier when you can identify your need and ask for it to be met. When you do that, you give your partner the option of showing up for you – or not. And that gives you more clarity as to whether or not this is the relationship that serves you.

And if you’re really afraid of an argument, let’s change that! Drop the fear and pick up the knowledge about how to argue from a conscious loving space. You can find some helpful information in the following links: Understanding the Energy of a FightHow to Open Your Heart in a Fight, How to Stop the Fight, and How to Solve the Fight Before it Happens.

What creates conscious relationships is each partner taking full responsibility for their triggers, fears, and actions. What creates loving relationships is each partner showing up and sharing their authentic selves while taking responsibility for identifying and meeting their own needs through self-reflection and vulnerable communication.  After all, when we stop blaming our partner, we’re immediately happier anyway because we’ve taken back our power.

Remember – stop blaming. Instead, identify your needs and ask for them to be met or find a way to meet them for yourself if that’s more appropriate. And if you get stirred up or triggered, reflect on why that’s a trigger for you. You may discover a need that arises out of that trigger, and if so, you can then have a loving conversation with your partner about that!

So get to creating your conscious, loving relationships! We need more love and happiness in this world!

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