Complete and utter bullshit. I always hear people saying, “I can forgive, but I don’t have to forget.”

If you are a person who says this, then I challenge you: If you’re hanging on to the memory that strongly, then how are you really moving forward in your life? If you’re hanging on to the memory, then it is coloring every one of your now and future relationships and decisions. Is that what you really want?

We often think that if someone wrongs us, we should be sure to remember the event, or the anger of it, or the unjustness of it all. But holding on to any piece of it will weigh you down. It’s heavy, like a backpack full of river rocks hanging from your shoulders. Why carry all that extra weight?

So why does anyone hold on to the memory even when they are able to forgive the person or persons?

We are afraid if we forget how we feel by being betrayed, left out, wronged, lied to, cheated on, insert your own injustice here, that it will happen again – that forgetting means being open to the possibility of being preyed upon again. But it doesn’t. Forgetting nor remembering are the answer. What we must do is TRANSFORM. Transform that anger into wisdom. Transform that hurt into wisdom. Transform that betrayal into wisdom. Transform it all into wisdom while learning the lessons from the injustices that we’re meant to learn. Transform, transmute, and live a lighter, happier, freer life. Isn’t that what we all ultimately want – to be free?

If we were left out, maybe we have to reevaluate whether or not the ideals and values of those who left us out align with our own. Cheated on? Is the person who cheated on us hurting in some deep way and what boundaries and changes do we need to make in our own lives so that we don’t call it in again? Betrayed? Was our intuition giving us messages that we didn’t heed? Can we listen to our intuition more often and honor it?

Transforming past transgressions into wisdom is the way to honor your soul, Spirit, and Self on this journey of being human. So for all those instances that you are “forgiving but not forgetting,” ask yourself what you need in order to finally process the emotion of it so that you can empty those river rocks into the river where they belong. Maybe you need a therapist, an energy healer, a good friend, or a priest.

It’s time to seek out the help you need, dig down deep, and do the hard work of transforming. You can. I know it.