It’s a hot buzzword these days.
Are you one?
Empathy is an intuitive gift that allows you to feel what another person is feeling – physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. An empath is a person who possesses this gift.
You probably are one. Assume you are.
Unless you’re a narcissist. Then you’re not.
Maybe you’ve heard some of these statements:
You’re too sensitive.
You’re too emotional.
I could talk to you all day.
I feel like I could tell you anything.
I’ve never told anyone this before, but. . .
If you’re an empath then these things may happen:
You can’t watch shows with a lot of violence.
You get anxious or struggle in crowds.
You feel heightened emotions and your partner doesn’t.
Uh-Huh. Read that last statement again. You feel heightened emotions and your partner doesn’t.
This is where being an empath (without full awareness of the gift) can blow your relationship up. And I mean right the fuck up.
Here’s what happens:
The conversation starts. Maybe it’s a disagreement.
It gets a little heated. The emotions are flowing.
Fear. Anger. Frustration. Rejection.
They’re flying all around. Where are they going? Who’s feeling them?
You are feeling ALL the emotions.
You are feeling the emotions that are yours and the emotions that aren’t yours.
Your energy system is acting like the satellite dish that it is and is picking up what’s in the air – the information that is floating around as unseen data.
If your partner isn’t feeling his or her emotions, then you are.
Maybe your partner chooses to feel some of his or her emotions. Maybe your partner can feel sadness and warmth. But not anger. Then what?
Yup. That’s right.
Then you’re feeling your emotions, your anger, AND your partner’s anger. And your partner’s anger is stacking on top of your anger, and OH MY GOD – you’re going to explode!!
Know the feeling?
Maybe your love can feel anger but not sadness or grief. Guess who’s feeling those?
That’s right. You are.
It can be downright maddening. You may feel like a crazypants! How can you feel something so intensely and the person that’s supposed to love you not feel anything?
Here’s the important thing:
It’s not because your man or woman doesn’t love you that he or she isn’t feeling.
Read that last line again.
It’s because he or she is afraid of the power of the feelings welling up. So the emotions get shut down. And sent away. Right to you. Because emotions are meant to be felt. Someone has to feel them.
And somewhere along the way you started feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
You’re not. Let me say that again slowly so it can sink in.
You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. What. Other. People. Feel.
If they can’t feel it, they can’t heal it.
Your job is to let them feel it.
How do you do that? How do you stop feeling what other people don’t want to feel?
Well, we can’t control someone else’s feelings, and we can’t make someone else feel his or her feelings, but here are three things we can do.
1. Notice when the emotion you’re feeling feels too intense to make sense for the situation. Then take five deep breaths. On the exhales, imagine that the emotions that are not yours are leaving your body and going back to where they belong.
2. Another quick energy trick – (This is one of my faves, but it requires that you identify when your partner is refusing to feel the emotions he or she is having. If you can do that, this will work. It’s especially good to use with those who revert to logic instead of staying in feeling.) Ok – in the midst of the event or discussion, envision an inverted satellite dish in front of you (and behind you too if needed). See the emotions of your partner bouncing off of this dish and going right back into his or heart. Often times what you may notice is your partner may actually get a little tongue-tied or lost in what he or she is saying. Allow the quiet.
3. The most empowering thing you can do is take responsibility for being an empath. Learn how to identify what arises within you from what comes from outside of you. Learn how to set up strong personal and energetic boundaries that keep you from taking on the emotions of other people, especially those people that you love.
Save your relationships (and your romance) by being true to your feelings and not taking on something that is not yours in the first place.