I’ve grappled over the past few months with feeling hatred of someone. A serious dislike and an even greater disapproval. Is this who I am? Someone who hates?
I just read a quote by Marianne Williamson: “In intimacy, our capacity to love is the greatest, and our temptation to judge is the greatest as well.”
Well damn. Isn’t that the truth? But…what if went in the reverse as well? What if we were creating intimacy when we judged those we have decided not to like? Those that threaten our status quo, our traditional way of thinking? Those that think outside the box and live outside the norms? What if judging someone or something creates a sort of energetic karmic tie to the person or situation?
Because I believe…it just might. At the moment, the thing that most threatens the way I think and live happens to be a person, a woman. This woman that I intensely dislike. You see, I’ve decided that what I know and do is best – and therefore, best for everyone in my life. I’ve fallen into a trap of thinking that includes “If you live the way I do and make the choices and decisions that I do, then you’re ok and safe and good. If you don’t, then you’re bad and I must protect those that I love from you and your scary ways of everything.” I’d like to think I know what’s best and right for those that I love. But the truth is I don’t. And judging someone else who does things differently ensnares me in her energy.
Over the past few months, I’ve wasted an enormous amount of time exercising judgment and listing in my head all the reasons I’m right and she’s wrong. And you know what? I’m freaking exhausted by it. EXHAUSTED! Know what else? The thought of this person – her energy – has dominated my conversations, my time, my thoughts, my emotions, my life. So sad to realize. It makes me want to curl up and cry. I’ve allowed someone to control my life and emotions by hooking into judgment.
After I read this quote, I thought to myself: Yeah, that’s about right. This person I’m so busy judging is the person I’m most intimate with at the moment, because she is occupying most of my energy.
So who is suffering from my judgment?
Me. That’s who.
I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m so over turning this person inside out in my head, my heart, and my emotions. I’m tired of being intimate with someone I don’t care to be intimate with.
So I’ve decided to take back my judgments, and with them, my energy and my empowerment. I’m deciding right now to no longer make myself a victim to her choices. I get to choose where to spend my thoughts and who to create intimacy with. And I am recognizing that maybe I don’t always know best. Maybe what’s best is to withhold my judgment and open to Source to guide me into what’s the right thing for me and for those I love and then see how the Universe creates itself around me.
I am turning my judgment into a prayer.
Source, please release me from the fears that threaten to grip my heart and my mind. Please allow me to create intimacy with those that are in my highest good, and allow me to find love where I fear there is none.