I Want Things to be Different. Grief Sucks.

Written By Dana Childs
Dana has been described as “non-definable” due to her immense gifts. Her work has been sought out and praised by actress and Goop founder, Gwyneth Paltrow, as well as a host of famed actresses, Grammy award winners, dancers, and talk show hosts. LEARN MORE
No one wants to feel grief. It’s a real bitch. Yet, it’s an experience we must have as humans. It feels pervasive these days. The election brought it to the forefront of society. And my own disintegration of my romantic relationship has brought it to the forefront of my heart.

Grief sucks. And yet, it paves the way for the deepest form of healing. After all, we are most motivated to heal when we are in grief, when things have not or are not going our way. Grief heralds the time when we are most willing to look inward and do deep soul searching.

Grief doesn’t show up for something in the past. We do not grieve that our relationship is already over. Just as we are not mourning what our country has become. Or that our job is unfulfilling. Or that we are unhappy with our marriage.

We are mourning what we are, where we are, and where we’ve gone wrong.

We grieve because we can’t go back.

Grief motivates us to move forward by acquiring more knowledge, awareness, and consciousness.


Grief is harbinger of healing, forcing us to look back at our mistakes so that we can shift and grow and change as we march forward.

It’s a time to say and do things differently.

During this time we must account for our misguided words and actions and take responsibility, to be accountable for where we are.

We choose to do this IF we want to change. IF we want to create something more powerful going forward.

Right now, we have choices.

If we want to bemoan and stay stuck in pain, we can do that. But why stay stuck in a place that hurts?

If we want to stay stuck and say Why did this happen to me, we can do that too. But why choose to be a victim?

If we want to resist what’s happening, we can drag our feet and cry out “No. This isn’t what’s supposed to be.” But why take away our opportunity for growth by pushing against the reality of what already IS?

When life goes off the rails and things happen that you wish didn’t happen, when you cry out, “This should be different. I want this to be different,” follow it up with one of these questions:

What responsibility do I have to this reality?

Where have I mis-stepped in the past and how can I avoid doing that in the future?

What can I change within my beliefs, my perspective, or my actions in order to push toward a future about which I can be excited?

What new beginning is bound to rise out of this ending and how do I contribute to it in a positive way?

For there is always a new beginning. And the most beautiful beginnings bloom out of the deepest piles of shit.


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