I have to admit that I’m disappointed. I honestly thought that once I came into being with my Spiritual side that I would feel happy all the time, that life would float endlessly along like a walk along a riverbank on a warm sunny day. How rude of the Universe to let me down.
I thought it was going to be easy once I got “here”….here being this mystical place of Spirit and self-awareness. Damn it. Self-awareness leads to more self-awareness. Personal growth leads to relationship growth, which leads back to personal growth and then even more relationship growth. It’s like winding your way up a mountain, and yet the circle around the mountain never ends.
Instead of feeling disappointed that being Spiritual isn’t instant happiness, I try to breathe into the space of awareness that a spiritual connection has lent me and notice that while I may be going around in circles, I’m climbing that mountain. And the top that I was seeking, the pinnacle where I thought I would land when I conquered myself?…the top doesn’t exist. Isn’t this true for all of us, for anyone who seeks happiness outside of him or herself? Whether we’re seeking for happiness in a sunny day, a partnership, a successful career, a new family, religion or Spirituality, the truth is that the Earth beneath us will keep shifting and pushing the mountaintop just a bit further out of reach. In the end, it isn’t about getting to the top of the mountain; it’s about enjoying the endless, new vistas that are unveiled on the climb up. The climb never ends.
There is nothing in this world – not an epiphany, an awakening, a loving relationship, or the most devout and pious belief in Source that can save us from the climb.
The truth is that Spirituality isn’t something meant to make sure we have a happy life every second from here on out. Spirituality is a way of meeting ourselves again and again and loving ourselves more upon every meeting. Spirituality isn’t meant to save us from misfortune or bad moods; it’s meant to be a way of life. Spirituality – or faith of any kind – doesn’t promise that we’ll never be immersed in the dark of night. It’s not the eternal sun that protects us from hardship or tragedy; it’s not the dawn or the light. It is the heartfelt prayer whispered in the dark of the night that gives you hope the dawn is coming.